Personal Things · Rant

I’m Done Pretending Things Are Okay.

Lately, I’ve been frequenting this subreddit, and it’s really helped me understand what happened to me as a kid. M and D are total narcissists, and MM is definitely an enabler.

M and MM want to pretend that everything is okay. What’s worse, they want me to pretend that everything is okay. They want me to diminish my problems even though I live with them every single day of my life.

But everything is not okay.

I have PTSD because of what they allowed to happen to me. D abused me all the time, and they just watched. It’s not like they didn’t know what was happening; they did. They knew and chose not to do anything about it.

Now, they expect me to be all buddy buddy with them and D. I don’t fucking think so.

I’m not, I won’t, be friendly with the people who caused so many problems in my life. It’s not fair to me for them to try and force me to be friends with my abuser… or with them for that matter. I don’t want people in my life who won’t stand up for me when I need it.

For Christ’s sake, I was a child when D would call me worthless, lazy, and other awful names I don’t even want to repeat. I was a teenager when he would tell me that I needed to put on long pants because “my legs were making him sick.”

Now that I’m an adult, they’re trying to be nice to me. They’re telling me that I just need to move on from what happened. I need to accept it and forgive D even though they all gave me serious psychological problems.

Guess what? No, I don’t.

I don’t need to accept what happened because it was fucked up. I don’t need to forgive D, M, or MM for what they all did to me. I don’t need to stay in contact with them just because society thinks I should given that they’re my “family.” They lost the right to be called my family the second they decided to abuse me and take advantage of me when I was too helpless to fight back.

I don’t owe them anything, and I’m done pretending that I do.

If anyone has ever done anything to harm you, please don’t feel like you are obligated to forgive them. If that personal intentionally hurt you, that person intentionally gave up the privilege of being in your life. Please remember your own worth just like I’m trying to remember mine.

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